her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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