I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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