How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
