My brain says no but my pants say off.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
