i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
