New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
