i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
