New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
