Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
