Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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