I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
