You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
