So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
