I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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