You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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