i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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