Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
