i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So squirting runs in the family.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
