Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
