i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
