Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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