it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My breath smells like gin and sadness
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
