Your dad touched me again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
