hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
