an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we should paint friendship bongs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
