My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize