I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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