I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
