Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize