fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
