He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I could fuck to npr.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
