can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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