I think I am morally bankrupt
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
