They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
