i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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