Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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