Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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