he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Duck Duck Cougar?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
