You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
