he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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