can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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