I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
