So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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