He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize