Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
