That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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