your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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