wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
