Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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