I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
