Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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