2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
