someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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