Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
