He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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