I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
