You made me cry and you don't even care
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it's like heaven, but drunker
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
