bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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