i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
