Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
