drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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