Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
