it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
