Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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