So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
