I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
His nipple licking is glorious
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