he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
