this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love having hate sex.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
