this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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