Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
