If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
