I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
