so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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