you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
