I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
