I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
