I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
